Life as a Mommy book excerpts by Cathy Spigarelli

Can a mom ever really relax? When I was a single, childless woman,
my favorite way to relax was to jog around a nearby lake on a
beautiful day. The run ended at the beach where I would continue
across the sand into the inviting water, running clothes and all, for a
swim. After the swim, I would lie down on the sandy beach to read,
enjoying the warmth of the sun and sand, tempered by the cool breeze.
This was the ultimate in relaxation to me, and there are times when I
absolutely long for those days. This would not be a typical day at the
beach now that I am a mom with three, young children. I still attempt
to relax at the beach, but have learned to do so in a different way.

Just getting to the beach with kids is an undertaking. Once I reach
the beach, it takes thirty minutes to coat my kids in sunscreen, lug the
beach stuff to the sand, and set up camp. With the work finally done,
it is time to relax. Or is it? Can I run into the water for a refreshing
swim, return to my blanket to soak up the sun and read an exciting
novel like in the old days? A mom can dream, can't she? This is not to
be my fate today.

Instead, I spent the day in the water with my two-year-old son, Tyler.
Twenty-seven times we walked out to deep water, holding hands, until
he squealed, "Coldy, cold," signaling that it was time to return to a
more comfortable depth. When we neared the beach, he would shout,
"Turn 'round," letting me know in no uncertain terms that we were
not finished walking yet. So back and forth we meandered.
Surprisingly, somehow in this repetitive march, I found absolute joy
and relaxation.

Although it was not the relaxing day at the beach from my past, I still
enjoyed the sun as it warmed my skin; the soft sand, as my feet
skimmed along the lake's silky bottom; and the breeze, as it gently
blew my child's blonde hair. I wonder if, when my children are grown
and I can go back to running around the lake alone, refreshing in the
water, and resting on the beach indefinitely, I will long for the days
when I held that little hand and quietly walked back and forth in the
waves.

Advice: Relaxation takes on new meaning with children thrown in
the mix. Be open to relaxing in new ways, ways that include your
children

                                                  July 13
      Children and Grocery Shopping

What was I thinking? This morning I took my kids somewhere I knew
I should never have. Although it was against my better judgment, I
took them. Two hours and $200 later, I returned home physically and
mentally exhausted. And the job was far from complete. Now I had to
find the energy and patience to deal with a fortune in groceries strewn
across the kitchen floor and three kids berating me for taking so long
to make their lunch.

You guessed it, I took my kids grocery shopping---a task I absolutely
dread. The entire job takes about four hours to complete with the
kids. It is a harrowing experience for all involved.

In an attempt to make things go more smoothly today, I had a grocery
list. But the list became irrelevant with the kids thrown in the mix.
Thirty minutes into the job, I had no idea what was left on my list or
what was in my cart. My head spun as I watched my kids run circles
around me, while I attempted to select a crisp head of lettuce.

If you have never had the pleasure of a trip to the grocery store with
kids, I don't recommend it. In fact, avoid it at a costs. Generally, I do
avoid it, but every once and a while I convince myself that my children
are older now, and it won't be soooo bad. After today's experience, I
am wondering whether I fried my brain in the sun on my recent
vacation or have simply gone mad. Either would explain my lapse in
judgment.

Usually I avoid the fiasco of shopping with kids by getting up at 6 a.m.
to grocery shop. I get the job done in record time while my husband is
getting ready for work and the kids sleep. Occasionally, I have even
blown a Saturday morning in an effort to complete the task in peace.
Oh sure, for short trips to pick up a handful of items, I break down and
take the troops along. But, now, I have truly learned that it is best to
go it alone on a major shopping trip like today.

I did not follow my own advice, and I paid the price. Groceries spilled
out of my cart. With no room left in the cart, my two-year-old ran
free, an especially scary scene in the liquor aisle (with so much glass).
Luckily, there were no major incidents today. Just the usual,
"Mommy, I have to pee" perfectly delivered a the furthest point in the
store from the bathrooms. Then a second child asked, "Can I have
these? Can I open them now? Yuk! I don't like these! Can I pick
something else?" All the while, the other kids were running and
screaming in the aisles, bumping into people, touching and
rearranging products (which explains the can of carrots found on a
shelf next to the tampons), and searching for a lost, opened can of
Pringles (finally discovered in the frozen food case next to the
Popsicles).

A number of people smiled at, talked to, and were generally amused
by my crazy kids, which left me confused. Normally, it is a good thing
when other people enjoy my children, but given their miserable
behavior...did they not notice how obnoxious my kids were? Did they
not see how disruptive my little beasts behaved? Did they not
remember how difficult shopping with young children is or have they
never had the pleasure? Maybe they did remember and the smile was
actually a smirk, I thought. Maybe it was kindness; by talking to my
child, the stranger was actually trying to buy a distressed mom an
extra 30 seconds to decide whether to choose the Juicy Juice that is
100% juice, but not on sale or the Hi-C that is not 100% juice, but half
the price. Maybe they were amused because they were thinking," I am
so glad that I am not her right now." Maybe it brought back pleasant
memories of shopping trips with their kids (from my frame of
reference, this is not at all likely). I highly doubt that grocery
shopping will top the list of my fond memories and fun times with my
children . I guess you never know though.

Once, on a past shopping trip, an older woman approached me, gently
touched my arm, and said, "Honey, enjoy them now. They will be
grown before you know it." I appreciated her comment; however, I am
quite certain that "enjoy your children" and "grocery shopping" do not
belong in the same sentence. Not today, anyway.

Advice: For the sake of your sanity, find ways to
grocery shop without your children.


                               September 1
Trusting My Child With The Babysitter

My husband and I are celebrating our eleventh wedding anniversary
tomorrow. Steve planned a get-away evening to a resort two hours
from our home. He even hired a babysitter for the kids. I am looking
forward to spending a night alone with my husband, but to be honest,
I am nervous. Although I trust my babysitter, I can't say the same for
Tyler.

Tyler has done some pretty wild things in his short life, all confirming
his lack of judgment and limited understanding of the world. Even I
am caught off guard by his antics. Just yesterday, he got a cookie tin
stuck on his head. He put the tin on like a hat and began running
around and squealing with delight. Because his older siblings
laughed, he kept going. When he finally stopped running, he was
sweaty---even his head was wet, which caused the tin to stick firmly to
it. I pulled and pulled, but could not budge it, and as I pulled, Tyler
screamed and pulled in the opposite direction to stop the hurt. I
envisioned a trip to the ER...too embarrassing, I thought. I realized
that I had to remove this on my own.

I got out a bottle of spray butter and squirted it along the perimeter of
the tin. I could see the redness and swelling on his forehead as I
slowly inched the tin up and finally off his head. No one was laughing
now. What makes this scary is that I was present when the incident
happened. Just think what might happen tomorrow while he is with a
sitter.

I am justifiably nervous.

Insight: We cannot protect our children from everything.